...been a wh!le...

it has been a while,
i had a crush,
it has been a while
i was lost, without a clue
it has been a while,
i saw her in white and blue
it has been a while,
i saw her smile
it definitely been a while,
she blamed if she cried
it has been a while,
she spoke to me
it has been a while,
i spoke to thee,
it has been a while,
i smelled her hair
it has been a while,
felt her whisper in my ear...
...yes it has been a while.. my love


it has been a while,
we had smoke
it has been a while,
were f***ing high,
it has been a while,
we played football
it has been a while,
we bunked a class
it has been a while,
had a night-out...
a game of cards..whole night long
it has been a while,
had a genuine laugh
...yes it has been a while.. my friend


it has been a while,
i stared blank into night sky
it has been a while,
i walked soaked in rain..
with nothing on my mind
it has been a while,
when morning meant.. fresh breakfast
it has been a while,
sunday was.. just a day to play
it has been a while,
dad gave hug.. mom made me sleep
it has been a while
i was happy..
without a penny in my pocket
it has been a while
relished ice-cream...
melting down my fingers..
... yes it has been a while.. oh..! me.

Antithesis..

Life is strange,
It gives me choices,
When i need .. 'em NOT..!
N when i wann ...'em bad,
I get stuck with none.. not even ONE.

My prayers... my wish,
Bounce back unheard,
N i ponder...
If der..really is a GOD..?
In whom i don't ..entirely disbelieve.

I get up on silent nights..soaked n baffled,
N think...if there could ..be..!
a PLAUSIBLE change,
Which will bail me out,
From this feeling.. so odd...so deranged.

I take up walks...lone... alone,
...stretched a many miles,
No directions, no thoughts,
No destinations..no present future or past...
My psyche... tracing path... till my feet gives up.

Life is strange,
It gives me choices,
When i need .. 'em NOT..!
N when i wann ...'em bad,
I get stuck with none.. not even ONE.

Conflicted...!

My shatterd heart

Beats ... but in vain,

To hold your Love inside,

But now...I am tired to contemplate,

The reasons you gave...

The choices you made...

My wounded feelings,

Oh.. GOSH..! are still alive,

For you to heal... a kiss a touch

But now...I am tired to contemplate,

The reasons you gave...

The choices you made...

My bleeding soul,

Values gashes... you gave to it,

For it keeps ur memories fresh

But now...I am tired to contemplate,

The reasons you gave...

The choices you made...

My LOST hope,

Still seeks for your care n philia,

For it was calved...when once u touched..

But now...I am tired to contemplate,

The reasons you gave...

The choices you made...

Troubled times... i was unhinged

When u held my hand..

N when u gave that tender smile,

But now...I am tired to contemplate,

The reasons you gave...

The choices you made...

I'll believe... i was wrong,

And now i give up..!

I haven't slept in years...have waited long

Have waited for u to come..along

Now...i am tired to... ...

of reasons u gave... ...

of choices u made...

I fall again..

fall again to fly..

but never ... i'll let u go(of my heart)

and...

will always keep ya.. in the corner of my eye..!

Rendezvous with Destiny...

Heard a voice,

A symphony,

Am i awake,
If i am not... i donn wanna be.

No... its not dream,
I figured out,
I am rushing out,
To catch a glimpse... who the hell is she..!

Am i stuck,
Coz its taking long,
Holy shit,
Or its the clock thats ticking slow..?

Perplexed mind,
Fascinated heart,
Portraits her,
While i crashed in hallway... tht dimly glow, yellow.

Lub dub... lub dub,
Its picking pace,
Thunderbolt struck,
I watch in awe... dusky she, while she waved HELLO..!

For heaven's sake,
Stop playing
with your hair,
It looks fantastic... fallen on your face.

Her fingers paused,
She smiled,
Did she hear, was i loud... i feared..!
Or she just read ... my stare...!

Mesmerized,
Hypnotized,
...and paralyzed ...,
I basked in her fragrance..., puffed out... the holy smoke.!.

if...!

Pain was there,

But still she smiled,

Held my hand,

N we said Goodbye... my eyes though lied,

... if she could have read my mind...!

Once again... ,

I dinn react..,

Stood beside her,

All feelings, emotions... held in check,

... if she could have read my mind...!

Million memories of her,

Flashed in a split,

Inside i screamed,

Donn leave me darling..!... but not a word,

... if she could have read my mind...!

She turned back to leave,

Her eyes urging...ME,

... to say IT !

N i said it loud and again... but not a word (SHIT..!),

... if she could have read my mind...!

She walked... distance grew,

She was now just an outline... on horizon,

Careless me watched... she was gone,

I should run, but... why ?

..if she was MY... should have read my mind...!

Now i contemplate in cloud of smoke,

I shud hav ran, i shud hav screamed...

Shud hav streached my hand...

And said IT ... while i can,

...if i dinn hear to careless me...

...if i had the heart...

...if i had.. read her mind...!

Tickling in my head.

A strange question spurred up in head; well obviously i was doing nothing, there was nothing to kill time. It is pretty intriguing if we know what we are heading towards although we want to be there with all our might, the euphoria of making the journey is not at par with the situation in which we want to be somewhere, i am aware what somewhere but the picture is not clear what exactly it will be like. The suspense gives a kind of excitement in un-wrapping the covers, the ultimate present may or may not be what we have imagined in our head but the whole process of getting to it, is so amazing.

Its great feeling to win a hand after planning each and every move but its simply overpowered when we play blind and win, though the chances of loosing are pretty high but the adrenal rush one feels during the game, heart pounding in chest .. wow...!

So is it wrong not to assess all the facts, not to count in all the odds against you before plunging into say a job, an affair or whatever. Well everyone think differently some enjoy the journey they take up, some enjoy the goals and if one does both its royal flush.

Over N Out..!!

Why...

I don’t know why..... i love you..

I don’t why ...can’t see you ever cry...

I don’t know why ... i feel so ...lonely

And so lost...without any thoughts...

When i donn see yaaa .....close by..!

(my frnzz often say where am i lost)

I don’t know why ....i wanna hold you...

Hold you.... for my life

‘Der  is something.... ‘bout, the way u rub

And ...how yaa  whisper in my ear.....

I feel... on cloud nine... walking in air..!

(i can feel ur whisper.. feel its warmth)

I don’t know why.....yaa look at me...

Look straight ...in my eyes...

‘Der is something......i  know ,u wanna say..

And  yaa... say it, when ....i am ...not around

 ‘Coz i ...feel this, in your eyes..!

(i really believe u do)

But..

I don’t know why... this love i feel.

I don’t know why... i care for you.

I juss don’t know why...!

She

Many times i am asked this question “what is so special about this particular girl that u are so insanely in love with her?” or to put this straight forward mad about her, well then and there i feel, i am being sucked into a black hole of her thoughts and this happens in split of a second, i have no whatsoever control over me whenever her name is mentioned. I may sound zany but can’t help this, should i call it love or height of infatuation I can’t make out. The feeling of being dragged away from the chaos of the world to the series pleasant and fond memories of her, i just love it.

Coming back to the question shot at me about her speciality, i love the way she lifts her eyelids from the shut position to focus on a nobody or a somebody, i don’t know if the separation of eyelids make any sound but i can distinctly feel the melody of the world’s most alluring eyelids part. I love hers dark jet black eyelashes and wish to feel those caress my lips. I love her smile, when she smile corner of her mouth pulls back slightly her lips begin to part little, upper lips shifts and then there is this wondrous glow in her eyes which can stun aurora.

The way she walks i am transfixed, the whole scene goes silent it’s just she walking and clatter or her heals; friends calling from behind, staring at me, honking of bikes n cars all is dead silent. Light black mole on back of her neck obscured by long usually black (in sunlight appears to be brown) hair, is sensational.

What ever it was it felt good to be around her no matter what her feelings were, but now its over i guess , no i bet it is and she will be etched in my memory if not for my life, definitely for a very long time.

"... khareed sakte unhain to apni zindagi de kar khareed le te

...par kuch log 'keemat' se nahin 'kismat' se mila karte hain"

Blessed by you..!

I won’t shed my tears and cry..

Just ‘coz you don’t belong to me..!

I won’t  shed my tears and cry....

Just  ‘coz you never held me tight..!

But..............

I feel i am blessed ....just to have you around..

To watch your smile....  and your spirit soaring high

Yours so soft ....so tender touch

Is etched on my skin, still afresh

Your ...fragrant ..untied ..wet hair..

Caressing your ..face ....... and your compelling stare

I feel  i am ..blessed ....to have you around..

Just to watch your smile....  and your spirit soaring high

I don’t know what you think of me

But there is something, i feel you ...hide, i sense

...i sense it when i glance through your eyes

And you flick ...your hair back..and turn your gaze aside!

I feel  i am ..blessed ....to have you around..

Just to watch your smile....  and your spirit soaring high

Yaah..! i fear to ask you out..yaah  i do

It’s not ‘coz ...I doubt my luv

But for...if yaa... abandon ..me..!

I know ...for sure i’ll not be what I used to be..!

So I feel  i am ..blessed ....just to have you around..

To watch your smile....  and your spirit soaring high

U May Not Know Me

U May Not Know ME..!

If u walked along me

If we ever had a talk

If we ever had a kiss

If i had u in my arms

I’ll take u places...

Places u never thought off..!

I’ll hold u close soooo..tight

Till your heart beats inside my chest

I’ll play with your hair forever...

I’ll hold your hand n................ leave never..!

Your light blue jeans, your yellow Ts..

The moves u make.. hits me like a shot ooooffff.. Gin

Your ...SPECTA(LE)ular ...hazel eyes

The way u flick your ....dark brown.. hair..

I just relish those moments..

N time just passes me ....by... but who the hell..carezzz..!

It’ll feel like ...hell, If i c ya cry..!

It’ll feel like...hell, If u are ...naaa well..!

So ..baby..please be cherry..from dawn to dusk

Coz it makes me.... alive

The day, i donn... c ya...

The day, i donn feel ya.... around

I am so lonely, i am so lost..

My world seems to.. split apart

The way ya.. nibble ur.. food, i want the time to rest..

And savour the moment.. for weeks to come

When i c ya.. i just don’t c ya.. face

I can feel..., feel every ..grain of ur zeal..!

The way ya... have that nonchalant laugh..

Sure..will eco ..in ma head ..through eternity

Well.. all i can say..however long its gonnaaa...be

U will be der in my heart.. embossed..!

I may have just wasted time

Thinking that you could be mine..

Still.. my love for ya..is endless

For ya.. i may be hopeless

I wish i knew whats on your mind..!

N i wish i could make ya..understand......

If u walked along me

If we ever had a talk

If we ever had a kiss

If i had u in my arms

I’ll take u places...

Places u could have only dreamt off ..!

Is It Over...

Is It Over...

My heart is free ?

Have i shunned her outta my mind ?

Will she be gone for ever ? (from my heart)

I have my doubts...!

Still when i wake

To those good old times

The nonchalant smile

Creeps up my face

No, its not been long.. just 20days

When i wished her along..

No, its not been long

When she dwelled ... my every thought

From the break of dawn..

To twilight... stalling all night long.

I wonder now... how silly i was

When i believed a slant of hers

Be it in soccer match or in exam hall

My talisman... my lucky charm

I don’t know why...?

I seek her touch.

I don’t know why...?

I covet... to inhale her breath

Even in ma... dreams

With open eyes...or while i sleep..!

My heart is free ?

Have i shunned her outta my mind ?

Will she be gone for ever ? (from my heart)

I really..have my doubts..!