to a friend

i know you've been busy but i don't know what kind of a friend doesn't even call someone for over a month. i just thought you should know that i've been terribly lonely while you've been so busy and i don't know if i can deal with the occasional friend right now. i miss you but i think some things should be a little less one-sided.

probably....!

...it is such a fabulously contradicting term despite it’s such a strong connection to logic...i digress often not...but it’s about you...you who probably have not yet realized that it is you.

you are probably asleep....probably in a dream as vivid as life, every god's envy....your dream. 

.....probably i am caressing your brows smooth with my thumb gliding over it, fingers brushing your mystic silk smooth jaw line, earlobes....your dream.

...i never look into your eye ..face up, not because i am shy. But because there it is all real, raw junk of nerves, deep and nobody ever made out of it.

and i am not sure if i can be with you for life to last; the kind of end, the very old pages and scribbling on them have.

...your eyes i see have a versatile personality...from far just a glance would say it probably black...if it was blessed to become a acquaintance ...would say it is burnt coal.

but if it was cursed to become i....probably would agree that your beautiful eyes are a very darknavy blue with a soft touch of black at 8 in evening...

...a very dull blue very dark in morning at 8 they glow and never prune...your iris is like a holy trail in spring, and iris cornea horizon is pitch dark green...

that’s about summer ......i have not seen them in rains..... and that’s a curse because it is like ripping my heart if could probably leave.

your desperately dull peach colored nails, etching again my dorsal intercarpal articulations probably not to end....for last but breath to come

probably.

Few Words Unsaid #1

i am hoping for this song to...playay..
i am floating on some ground...pale..
u must be thinking bout the time...wee
warm rays glowing of your face ...thee

much ado 'bout you

well if the question i,s do i like you...?
does it even sound like a question is another day topic...!
yeah so, let me put some facts forward before i even attempt to answer the not so a question....i haven't even noticed much, but your face ...and it has been 213 days ...i have been looking at you!!

my favorite would be ..."the lost look on your face..."
now you may wanna know why? (face to face u would have most certainly said NO....i luv it when your lips lie to your eyes)
....here i am taking the liberty to assume, you do ask why !
when you are lost..... your eyes are transfixed to dreamy horizon....pupils dilated ... i cherish the enigma in your eyes; those wide eyes...black eyeliner making it even more enticing....
slightly parted lips...shimmering gloss... only if i could kiss you...and feel that rebellious tongue   ..!!!
the chin....forehead.... hair flickering over your face....there is so much to absorb ..so so much to absorb..!!

another of my favorite look on your face is "the smooth shift you make from all giggly self to the fake but serious angry self..."
those pursed lips ...scornful eyes..tensed contracting brows...the gaze makes me defenseless... i only wish to give you a peck on thy lips...

do you still seek an answer..do you?

Conundrum

The world will break your heart ten ways to Sunday, that's guaranteed. And I can't begin to explain that...Or the craziness inside myself and everybody else, but guess what? Sunday is my favorite day again. I think of everything everyone did for me and I feel like... a very lucky guy.

No I haven’t written those, and yes I there is a huge possibility of the response “you don’t even know the real issue here”. A thought that would originate in your mind, in those nasty little grey cells - blinding the obvious, presenting the camouflaged reality and you believe what you see!!, but to be felt - as if it is your heart saying it. Well you cannot tame the heart forever dear grey cells, and realization shall eventually befall you and then perhaps…

I have actually lost the track, I had something in mind to write and elaborate but even the fragments of those thoughts elude me. My psyche is mocking my sober-self, my sober self claims my trippy self is an idiot, vicious events.  The notion of love makes me trippy, and hangover is terrible, agonizing, and painful. Bourbon is better indeed, especially with you sitting across.

I am really confused and in fact I am quite sure many more are struggling with the similar commotion. Do you want me to be with you or you wish otherwise? And just in case you nibbled the question “What do YOU!! want?” the answer is “I want you and I want, not just Sunday to be your favorite day but everyday to be that day”.

All the best you are better off without me, saves you from moral opprobrium. My final gift to you – peace of mind.

Start loving Sunday.

Trojan through ur walls..!

I am not giving up on you...
However long it takes you to come by!!

You are not around often...I see
I Promise not to ...ever push you aside..by God!

Your chuckles are the best sound I know...I swear....
Keeps me company when u keep quiet..!

You are not an image...not any more
Cuz its your heart ...that's beating indide mine..

We had a fight... you had the eternal right
Will I let you go...for that....no I will hold you further tight....

You are silent ....isshhh.....u have ur reasons
But I...will always be 'pekking' around...I promise...!

....you can resist ....with all your might
I will be the trojan through your walls !

Its not gonna be easy...
....path I wish to tread
...your needs are rife...
And u would someday fly by...
But I aint giving up ....not my forte exactly...
....though my wings lack flight....
...i will be right there ...with a smile putting up the fight....

She in morning wee!!

Do you blush for real ....I wonder
And if you do ...is the color burnt cyan

U did have a coarse voice....wee hours I guess....
I loved thy sweet baritone...as if I could taste it....!

...your half lit open eyes....
...struggling to open wide.....
.....aaaahhh....breaking dawn prsonified...!

.....that never ceasing yet broken smile...
..... bud of daisies....breaking into life..!

..Wee hours ....a world so different...
....like morning dew passes me by .....
while I am adrift....why we call it 'we'... ?!!

A Tree Story

A very caring, loving man found a beautiful seed but wasn't sure which flower it was. Well when you find a seed and you intend to plant it, one subconsciously wish it is a flower maybe the one which is very rare, fragrant and what not, its  human to think so.


So this man planted it in very expensive plant pot, best manure was used and he spend many hours daily to take care of it. Very diligently the plant was watered (in proportionate manner ) , subjected to day light and never over done. Well the efforts paid off and the seed sprouted, the man was very happy he spend hours appreciating the light greens, the small soft curls and even more happy with the prospect that it will one day have the world's most lovely flowers. It never occurred to him that it can be something other than a flower bearing plant, well love can be overlooking. Someone once quipped to him  "it (plant sprouts) seems to be a tree sprout", must have been a botanist to say that with just a look at spout, but our man not even heard him, was busy tending to the soil in plant pot.


The plant grew up fast, and so did the man's hope to see what he had so tirelessly longed for. But the day didn't come , the grew and branched but not a flower.Our man was pissed, he had given the best to the plant the soil, the day light, the water , all his care but plant wasn't bearing any flower or fruit. The plant kept growing and branches multiplied, man still haven't given up on it he knew its very soon , he'll see the flowers so to keep the growing plant within the house he trimmed the leaves an branches, someone suggested that, his own experiences or must have goggled it, on this our plant starts shrinking and started looking pale , man was disappointed with the plant and his efforts.


One day a friend ( botanist ) visited the man, he saw a grieving friend and the dying plant and " it is a tree my friend, how do you expect it to blossom inside a house, re-plant it in garden i am sure it will grow and grow to the extent you cannot imagine.... ". Man thought how will it ( the plant ) survive the extreme nature, the herbivores, and what not. So was unwilling but later agreed and planted it in garden.


A few days passed the man uneasy letting go off the plant was even more worried with the even deteriorating condition of the plant in the world outside. At this juncture he started ignoring the plant, as this plant never was the one , he imagined and wished  it to be, he all together stopped walking past the corner where he had planted it once.


Years passed by our man who had moved out of the city by this time, one spring happened to be visiting an old friend in the same neighborhood where he once lived and the memories of the old plant came rushing back to him. He was filled with an unexplained feeling to visit the site he had long abandoned . He visited the place an was happily surprised  to see a massive lush tree in the same spot where he once had planted his unyielding plant and to his utter amazement the was bearing yellow flowers unlike he had ever imagined or seen..... many emotions all at once the man felt and so did the tree.




Open to interpretations... a tree story ( a few paragraphs are hypothetical )

...been a wh!le...

it has been a while,
i had a crush,
it has been a while
i was lost, without a clue
it has been a while,
i saw her in white and blue
it has been a while,
i saw her smile
it definitely been a while,
she blamed if she cried
it has been a while,
she spoke to me
it has been a while,
i spoke to thee,
it has been a while,
i smelled her hair
it has been a while,
felt her whisper in my ear...
...yes it has been a while.. my love


it has been a while,
we had smoke
it has been a while,
were f***ing high,
it has been a while,
we played football
it has been a while,
we bunked a class
it has been a while,
had a night-out...
a game of cards..whole night long
it has been a while,
had a genuine laugh
...yes it has been a while.. my friend


it has been a while,
i stared blank into night sky
it has been a while,
i walked soaked in rain..
with nothing on my mind
it has been a while,
when morning meant.. fresh breakfast
it has been a while,
sunday was.. just a day to play
it has been a while,
dad gave hug.. mom made me sleep
it has been a while
i was happy..
without a penny in my pocket
it has been a while
relished ice-cream...
melting down my fingers..
... yes it has been a while.. oh..! me.

Antithesis..

Life is strange,
It gives me choices,
When i need .. 'em NOT..!
N when i wann ...'em bad,
I get stuck with none.. not even ONE.

My prayers... my wish,
Bounce back unheard,
N i ponder...
If der..really is a GOD..?
In whom i don't ..entirely disbelieve.

I get up on silent nights..soaked n baffled,
N think...if there could ..be..!
a PLAUSIBLE change,
Which will bail me out,
From this feeling.. so odd...so deranged.

I take up walks...lone... alone,
...stretched a many miles,
No directions, no thoughts,
No destinations..no present future or past...
My psyche... tracing path... till my feet gives up.

Life is strange,
It gives me choices,
When i need .. 'em NOT..!
N when i wann ...'em bad,
I get stuck with none.. not even ONE.

Conflicted...!

My shatterd heart

Beats ... but in vain,

To hold your Love inside,

But now...I am tired to contemplate,

The reasons you gave...

The choices you made...

My wounded feelings,

Oh.. GOSH..! are still alive,

For you to heal... a kiss a touch

But now...I am tired to contemplate,

The reasons you gave...

The choices you made...

My bleeding soul,

Values gashes... you gave to it,

For it keeps ur memories fresh

But now...I am tired to contemplate,

The reasons you gave...

The choices you made...

My LOST hope,

Still seeks for your care n philia,

For it was calved...when once u touched..

But now...I am tired to contemplate,

The reasons you gave...

The choices you made...

Troubled times... i was unhinged

When u held my hand..

N when u gave that tender smile,

But now...I am tired to contemplate,

The reasons you gave...

The choices you made...

I'll believe... i was wrong,

And now i give up..!

I haven't slept in years...have waited long

Have waited for u to come..along

Now...i am tired to... ...

of reasons u gave... ...

of choices u made...

I fall again..

fall again to fly..

but never ... i'll let u go(of my heart)

and...

will always keep ya.. in the corner of my eye..!

Rendezvous with Destiny...

Heard a voice,

A symphony,

Am i awake,
If i am not... i donn wanna be.

No... its not dream,
I figured out,
I am rushing out,
To catch a glimpse... who the hell is she..!

Am i stuck,
Coz its taking long,
Holy shit,
Or its the clock thats ticking slow..?

Perplexed mind,
Fascinated heart,
Portraits her,
While i crashed in hallway... tht dimly glow, yellow.

Lub dub... lub dub,
Its picking pace,
Thunderbolt struck,
I watch in awe... dusky she, while she waved HELLO..!

For heaven's sake,
Stop playing
with your hair,
It looks fantastic... fallen on your face.

Her fingers paused,
She smiled,
Did she hear, was i loud... i feared..!
Or she just read ... my stare...!

Mesmerized,
Hypnotized,
...and paralyzed ...,
I basked in her fragrance..., puffed out... the holy smoke.!.

if...!

Pain was there,

But still she smiled,

Held my hand,

N we said Goodbye... my eyes though lied,

... if she could have read my mind...!

Once again... ,

I dinn react..,

Stood beside her,

All feelings, emotions... held in check,

... if she could have read my mind...!

Million memories of her,

Flashed in a split,

Inside i screamed,

Donn leave me darling..!... but not a word,

... if she could have read my mind...!

She turned back to leave,

Her eyes urging...ME,

... to say IT !

N i said it loud and again... but not a word (SHIT..!),

... if she could have read my mind...!

She walked... distance grew,

She was now just an outline... on horizon,

Careless me watched... she was gone,

I should run, but... why ?

..if she was MY... should have read my mind...!

Now i contemplate in cloud of smoke,

I shud hav ran, i shud hav screamed...

Shud hav streached my hand...

And said IT ... while i can,

...if i dinn hear to careless me...

...if i had the heart...

...if i had.. read her mind...!

Tickling in my head.

A strange question spurred up in head; well obviously i was doing nothing, there was nothing to kill time. It is pretty intriguing if we know what we are heading towards although we want to be there with all our might, the euphoria of making the journey is not at par with the situation in which we want to be somewhere, i am aware what somewhere but the picture is not clear what exactly it will be like. The suspense gives a kind of excitement in un-wrapping the covers, the ultimate present may or may not be what we have imagined in our head but the whole process of getting to it, is so amazing.

Its great feeling to win a hand after planning each and every move but its simply overpowered when we play blind and win, though the chances of loosing are pretty high but the adrenal rush one feels during the game, heart pounding in chest .. wow...!

So is it wrong not to assess all the facts, not to count in all the odds against you before plunging into say a job, an affair or whatever. Well everyone think differently some enjoy the journey they take up, some enjoy the goals and if one does both its royal flush.

Over N Out..!!

Why...

I don’t know why..... i love you..

I don’t why ...can’t see you ever cry...

I don’t know why ... i feel so ...lonely

And so lost...without any thoughts...

When i donn see yaaa .....close by..!

(my frnzz often say where am i lost)

I don’t know why ....i wanna hold you...

Hold you.... for my life

‘Der  is something.... ‘bout, the way u rub

And ...how yaa  whisper in my ear.....

I feel... on cloud nine... walking in air..!

(i can feel ur whisper.. feel its warmth)

I don’t know why.....yaa look at me...

Look straight ...in my eyes...

‘Der is something......i  know ,u wanna say..

And  yaa... say it, when ....i am ...not around

 ‘Coz i ...feel this, in your eyes..!

(i really believe u do)

But..

I don’t know why... this love i feel.

I don’t know why... i care for you.

I juss don’t know why...!

She

Many times i am asked this question “what is so special about this particular girl that u are so insanely in love with her?” or to put this straight forward mad about her, well then and there i feel, i am being sucked into a black hole of her thoughts and this happens in split of a second, i have no whatsoever control over me whenever her name is mentioned. I may sound zany but can’t help this, should i call it love or height of infatuation I can’t make out. The feeling of being dragged away from the chaos of the world to the series pleasant and fond memories of her, i just love it.

Coming back to the question shot at me about her speciality, i love the way she lifts her eyelids from the shut position to focus on a nobody or a somebody, i don’t know if the separation of eyelids make any sound but i can distinctly feel the melody of the world’s most alluring eyelids part. I love hers dark jet black eyelashes and wish to feel those caress my lips. I love her smile, when she smile corner of her mouth pulls back slightly her lips begin to part little, upper lips shifts and then there is this wondrous glow in her eyes which can stun aurora.

The way she walks i am transfixed, the whole scene goes silent it’s just she walking and clatter or her heals; friends calling from behind, staring at me, honking of bikes n cars all is dead silent. Light black mole on back of her neck obscured by long usually black (in sunlight appears to be brown) hair, is sensational.

What ever it was it felt good to be around her no matter what her feelings were, but now its over i guess , no i bet it is and she will be etched in my memory if not for my life, definitely for a very long time.

"... khareed sakte unhain to apni zindagi de kar khareed le te

...par kuch log 'keemat' se nahin 'kismat' se mila karte hain"

Blessed by you..!

I won’t shed my tears and cry..

Just ‘coz you don’t belong to me..!

I won’t  shed my tears and cry....

Just  ‘coz you never held me tight..!

But..............

I feel i am blessed ....just to have you around..

To watch your smile....  and your spirit soaring high

Yours so soft ....so tender touch

Is etched on my skin, still afresh

Your ...fragrant ..untied ..wet hair..

Caressing your ..face ....... and your compelling stare

I feel  i am ..blessed ....to have you around..

Just to watch your smile....  and your spirit soaring high

I don’t know what you think of me

But there is something, i feel you ...hide, i sense

...i sense it when i glance through your eyes

And you flick ...your hair back..and turn your gaze aside!

I feel  i am ..blessed ....to have you around..

Just to watch your smile....  and your spirit soaring high

Yaah..! i fear to ask you out..yaah  i do

It’s not ‘coz ...I doubt my luv

But for...if yaa... abandon ..me..!

I know ...for sure i’ll not be what I used to be..!

So I feel  i am ..blessed ....just to have you around..

To watch your smile....  and your spirit soaring high

U May Not Know Me

U May Not Know ME..!

If u walked along me

If we ever had a talk

If we ever had a kiss

If i had u in my arms

I’ll take u places...

Places u never thought off..!

I’ll hold u close soooo..tight

Till your heart beats inside my chest

I’ll play with your hair forever...

I’ll hold your hand n................ leave never..!

Your light blue jeans, your yellow Ts..

The moves u make.. hits me like a shot ooooffff.. Gin

Your ...SPECTA(LE)ular ...hazel eyes

The way u flick your ....dark brown.. hair..

I just relish those moments..

N time just passes me ....by... but who the hell..carezzz..!

It’ll feel like ...hell, If i c ya cry..!

It’ll feel like...hell, If u are ...naaa well..!

So ..baby..please be cherry..from dawn to dusk

Coz it makes me.... alive

The day, i donn... c ya...

The day, i donn feel ya.... around

I am so lonely, i am so lost..

My world seems to.. split apart

The way ya.. nibble ur.. food, i want the time to rest..

And savour the moment.. for weeks to come

When i c ya.. i just don’t c ya.. face

I can feel..., feel every ..grain of ur zeal..!

The way ya... have that nonchalant laugh..

Sure..will eco ..in ma head ..through eternity

Well.. all i can say..however long its gonnaaa...be

U will be der in my heart.. embossed..!

I may have just wasted time

Thinking that you could be mine..

Still.. my love for ya..is endless

For ya.. i may be hopeless

I wish i knew whats on your mind..!

N i wish i could make ya..understand......

If u walked along me

If we ever had a talk

If we ever had a kiss

If i had u in my arms

I’ll take u places...

Places u could have only dreamt off ..!

Is It Over...

Is It Over...

My heart is free ?

Have i shunned her outta my mind ?

Will she be gone for ever ? (from my heart)

I have my doubts...!

Still when i wake

To those good old times

The nonchalant smile

Creeps up my face

No, its not been long.. just 20days

When i wished her along..

No, its not been long

When she dwelled ... my every thought

From the break of dawn..

To twilight... stalling all night long.

I wonder now... how silly i was

When i believed a slant of hers

Be it in soccer match or in exam hall

My talisman... my lucky charm

I don’t know why...?

I seek her touch.

I don’t know why...?

I covet... to inhale her breath

Even in ma... dreams

With open eyes...or while i sleep..!

My heart is free ?

Have i shunned her outta my mind ?

Will she be gone for ever ? (from my heart)

I really..have my doubts..!

all but Lie ...!

If I say I miss you

It will be a lie

And if I say I don’t

I know you won’t cry

But yes at times

When my heart and soul

Are in unison….alive

I do think of you…as My

You may, may not know

But at that moment of time…

I folllow your life …. as My

Its not coz.. I only loved you

And absolutely notcoz.. I love you more

Its just … you aint worth to forget by..!

I cant say ‘bout your pressence..

But your absence for sure

Just like a Dry Martini

Makes me feel …alive..!

I guess and its just a guess

Somewhere in your mind

Thoughts ‘bout Me…..

Should be live..!!

And there will be something ..

You will forever remember ..Me…by

And I am sure as death !!!

Your eyes will be wet

However hard you try not to…

The day I’ll say my..final Bubye…!!!

But if I say I miss you

It will be a…………

And if I say I don’t

I know you………..

Lies.. n Hearts..!

I missed on number of chances

To make it to yaa…!

But I fought it all hard

This time around … to make it through

Yaaaahh..!

I guess…. I made a mess

Made a mess……. Which I always do..!

I miss you now ….N…. I may always do

However far you push me too…

Break each n every tie

But still I’ll miss … you…for my feelings were never LIE

I dinnn… ask.. I’ll never do….

Why you won’t talk back ?

Even when you wanted to..

It maybe my hope…. Which still belives..in U

If my love is TRUE.. U’ll feel it too…!!

Yaaaahh..!

Someday you will realize …I was not fake

The miles I travelled for yaaa…

Were not ..just a fluke

And on the lonely nights….sitting in dark

You will look for me …N wonder…

How it will be like

If you had ME..!

But I promise I won’t…

Miss or dream of…..

Small of your back…your open hair

Back of your knee…your unarming stare

Your fingers so .. … cold.. Your breath..so warm

And of all the lies you told…

The lovely lie….’’that you love ME’’

Yaaahh..!!

Coz every promise..made to you..

You knowing, not knowing..!

I always hold true..!

College....

If one said u will miss college life

I said … Holy shit, its worse than ..walk on knife

I thought how can U compare.. daily classes and test

To late night bed.. and gettting up after, late noon rest

Getting up early .. for morning prayers at 8

To dreaming at 8 in morning for an evening date J

So…

If one said u will miss college life

I said … Holy shit, its worse than ..walk on knife

No way the boring lectures ….. all day long

To a day.. spent on couch… playing X-Box and listening songs

Exhausting journal completion…. in foyer and on stair

To the long trips…..sun beaches and gurls and nothing to care

But

Guess what…. Now I crave for “Girish kee Chai”

(Girish is a tea/coffee vendor)

That fa**ing in break…. And friends saying ‘Hi’

Those laffing bastards holding U high

And Birthday bums … all twelve months…!

Bunking lectures to play, sometimes P.S and sometime pool…..

The sloshed night outs …. And watching “Old School”

Hooting in theaters.. while watching flicks

Loosing heart to every hot chick

Keeping spare shaving kit, undies….. and a short in college bag

For random plans ….. where frns get dragged

The gossips… in the class the rumors outside

Made weather lively and goofy inside ..!

Wondrous was xamm thrill…

When notes and Xerox … piled up as magnificent hill

Slogging for xamzz… and 20 hours in hand

Everyone looked puzzled…eyes all puffed.. and head blanked K

Examination room…some looked at sky…. Some flipped pages some preferred besides :D

Most amazing in all this tension, when two eyes met…. N there came an innocent Smile..!

There is much more to say and to write

I always knew without friends….. life will be strange

I am out of college now..!…. and this will never change….!!

But

If asked –do U miss ?

I’ll say

Yes, I do miss my friends, my buddies…. And my college days.

Confession…!!!

Let me confess that there is a girl

More precious than diamond or gold

Her beautiful eyes are blue pearls

A strike of her glance just makes me roll

The redolence of her silky hair

Makes my day a lovely affair

Waking up every morning in her arm

Her morning breath…. her touch …. so warm

Wrapped in white sheets….

The way she says… “Morning Dear” ….

Her head …... rested on my chest

Please…Ooo…..! time , freeze and rest..!

Her cuddle her hug…... her gentle slap

Her lazy yawn ….. and the way she curls in her nap

Her highest high her lowest low

Exited her…….. for romantic flick, late night show

I pray …. She and Me be forever the same

Always so childish.. .. and a little insane.!!

.

.

.

.

I wish to walk, holding her delicate hand

In the chilly moon light, on the golden sand

(All my life)

A successful alarm dodges near the dash.